Breaking the rock

PD: post-divorce. Well, not really, as I haven’t even filed yet. So PSPD: Post separation, pre-divorce. I have the papers filled out. But today I talked with my soon-to-be-Ex and he floated the idea of getting back together. Our conversation didn’t last very long after that. Maybe it was a bit insensitive to mention the paperwork that sits waiting on my table?

Which of course makes me ask: what am I waiting for? For him to get it together enough to deal with the divorce. He needs a job, an address, some stability so I don’t have to keep holding his hand. What would happen if I let go?

This is my state: in flux, changing, breaking, on the edge, constantly anxious, newness. It’s like smashing a geode onto the ground and cracking it open–exciting, destructive, sharp, terrifying, hopeful. What beauty will be found inside? It’s fair to say that sharing such an experience is impossible, although it is reassuring to hear from other people in similar states, in transition, moving through crisis.